“To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ.” (Colossians 1:27-28)
The hope of the Gospel might be summarized in these three statements:
Jesus lived to provide the righteousness you lack.
Jesus died to pay the penalty you incurred.
Jesus lives again to produce in and through you the life required of you.
The first two describe the truth of your being “in Christ.” The last sets forth the hope of “Christ in you.”
“To be in Christ—that is redemption; but for Christ to be in you—that is sanctification! To be in Christ—that makes you fit for heaven; but for Christ to be in you—that makes you fit for earth! To be in Christ—that changes your destination; but for Christ to be in you—that changes your destiny! The one makes heaven your home—the other makes this world His workshop.” (Major W. Ian Thomas, The Saving Life of Christ, p.20)
Here is a more visually helpful picture in a pdf file: hope of the gospel
“Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.” (Colossians 3:20)
With the introduction of “Children” the Apostle begins a new couplet. He singles out “Fathers” (v.21) to be paired with “Children,” but makes no mention of mothers and their role. In beginning with the “Children” he again (cf. vv.18-19, 3:22-4:1) initiates the pair by mention of the deferential one in the relationship. The noun translated “Children” refers to offspring without regard to their sex, but simply designates them according to their origin. There is no hint here of the age of the one under consideration though it would seem that it is children still under the protection and provision of their parents that are in view.
The duty laid upon the children is to “be obedient.” The word means simply “to obey,” “to follow” and “to be subject to.”[1] The present imperative demands this become an ongoing disposition of life (cf. Eph. 6:1). The same imperative will be laid upon slaves in verse 22. With regard to children the command is limited in its application: “to your parents.” Paul only uses this noun five times in his writings, but two of those describe disobedience to parents as characteristic of the last days (Rom. 1:30; 2 Tim. 3:2). While only the father is instructed in verse 21, both parents are under consideration here. This clearly implies that both mother and father are expected to be giving directives to the children.
The extent of the child’s obligation to obedience is cast in the broadest possible terms: “in all things.” The preposition translated “in” is used here to denote relationship to something and should be rendered as “with respect to” or “in relation to.” Thus here with the neuter plural adjective (“all things”) it has the connotation of “in all respects.”[2] In a day and age when abuse is so prevalent wisdom urges us to clarify that this does not remove all limitations. A child is not being obligated to carrying out a parent’s sinful wishes. But, having said that, it should be noted that the first place a child learns to relate to authority is in the home. If the parents fail to teach the lessons of submission to and appreciation of legitimate authorities, the society as a whole will never be able to right the ship. Such a child will meet with difficulty at every turn.
The reason for such obedience is “for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.” The justification for the child’s obedience is cast similarly to that of the wife’s submission to her husband (“as is fitting in the Lord,” v.18). The use of the conjunction (“for”) signals the foundational rationale for the directive just given. By “this” Paul means the broad ranging obedience just called for. The adjective translated “well-pleasing” is used by Paul eight of its nine times in the NT (Rom. 12:1, 2; 14:18; 2 Cor. 5:9; Eph. 5:10; Phil. 4:18; Col. 3:20; Titus 2:9; Heb. 13:21). The word describes that which is acceptable or pleasing and always in reference to God (except perhaps Tit. 2:9). Here that divine orientation is signaled by the expression “to the Lord.” The use of the preposition with the dative form of the noun indicates “a close personal relationship with Christ.[3] The believer’s union with Christ, so richly spoken of in this chapter and throughout this book, is the foundation upon which the actions are seen to rest and thus “the expression is equivalent in meaning to by virtue of spiritual fellowship or union with Christ.”[4]
What are we to make of the fact that the Apostle grounds the motive for the obedience of children to their parents in the intimacy of their relationship to Christ and their longing to please him rather than the intimacy of their relationship to their father or mother and the innate desire to please them? At least this much: a child’s feelings of love may vary from moment to moment and their desire to please their parents may flee when a difficult directive is given, but their love for Christ should remain a steady constant in their hearts at all times. Then also it is a sad fact that some parents are never pleased, no matter how well the child performs. A parent’s affirmation may be an unattainable goal, while the Lord’s is not. Even if a parent is not pleased with a child, God may be. The authority of a parent is a delegated authority, handed down in measured form by God Himself. It is a good and wonderful thing when a parent is pleased with their child’s obedience and affirms them in it. But that is a secondary standard. The primary standard lies with God Himself from whom the authority to exercise parental authority arose in the first place.
Must I be … afraid, proud, insecure, over-sensitive?
No.
“For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.” (Colossians 2:9-10)
I am, therefore, free in Christ to discover the answer to my what if’s!
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.” (Colossians 3:19)
Having addressed “wives” (v.18), Paul now turns to the “Husbands.” He lays two requirements upon them.
The first is to “love your wives.” The present imperative demands action that is habitual and regular. The word group connected with the verb “love” has been infused by the writers of the New Testament with significant Christian meaning. It should not pass without notice that the only other place the verb is used here in Colossians is in a description of God’s love toward us (3:12). In light of this divine love set upon us we are to “put on love” (v.14) toward one another.[1] That this “love” has uniquely Christian content is seen in the parallel passage where Christ’s love for the church is the standard of measure for this command for the husband to love his wife (Eph. 5:25). This “love” now is made specific to the relationship of husbands toward “your wives.” Paul just used the same verb in a participial form in verse 12 to insist that every believer is “beloved” of God through His electing (“chosen of God”) grace. Paul went on to demonstrate that in this grace God not only loves the sinner, but sets him apart to Himself as “holy.” From the secure base of God’s enduring, covenant love, Paul issued moral imperatives (vv.12-13). That same foundation of God’s love to the husband is what frees him to selflessly love his wife in a singular, unique relationship.
The second command is “do not be embittered against them.” The verb is used only here by Paul and elsewhere in the New Testament only in Revelation (8:11; 10:9, 10). In Revelation it is used literally of something that goes into the stomach and brings bitterness and a violent response. It speaks of that which is “sharp, harsh, and bitter.”[2] Here it is used metaphorically and points toward anger, resentment and bitterness of spirit.[3] The present imperative with the negation (“not”) “forbids a habitual action.”[4] In the passive, as here, it means to “become bitter” or to have become “embittered.”[5] This must not happen “against them.” The preposition (“against”) speaks “of the goal or limit toward which a movement is directed.”[6]
What exactly is forbidden here? Is the husband forbidden to become bitter toward his wife (KJV, NASB, NET)? Or is he forbidden to treat her harshly or bitterly (ESV, NIV, NRSV)? The answer is probably, “yes.” Paul forbids the husband to develop an inward bitterness toward the wife which will give vent to harsh and bitter words and actions toward her.
What would cause a man to be thus “embittered against” his wife and thus “be harsh with” her (NIV)? The emotional void left in the absence a secure, singular, covenant love will incite the wife to feel insecure and uncertain. This insecurity and uncertainty regarding their relationship tends to create in the wife that which produces bitterness in the husband—qualities such as possessiveness, clinginess, complaining and nagging. The husband, resting in the security and grace of God’s love to him, is to take the lead in covenant love with his wife, creating—by God’s grace—an environment of love, tenderness, understanding and security from which his wife is likely to respond to him with the same.
“Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” (Colossians 3:18)
Having gathered up his exhortations from 3:12-16 and given one overarching exhortation to close in verse 17, Paul now shifts his thoughts to the various kinds of relationships which make up the church (3:18-4:1). One should compare Paul’s statements here with their close parallel in Ephesians 5:22-6:9. We have here three groupings of two pairs of relationships, each one beginning with the subordinate in the relationship (wives, children, slaves) and then addressing the one in authority (husbands, fathers, masters). In each case Paul makes compliance a matter of Christian duty (“in the Lord,” v.18; “this is well-pleasing to the Lord,” v.20; “fearing the Lord,” v.22; “as for the Lord,” v.23; “from the Lord you will receive the reward,” v.24a; “It is the Lord Christ whom you serve,” v.24b; “you too have a Master in heaven,” 4:1).
He begins with “Wives.” The word can refer to women more generally, but here it seems to mark off “wives” more specifically. Note the use of the definite article to mark off the wives as a distinct grouping under present consideration.[1]
These are to “be subject.” The verb is a compound arising from “under” and “appoint” or “order.” It is a word that bespeaks authority and submission. It was a military word which described the ranks of soldiers arranging themselves under the leadership of their commander. Here the decision as to whether it is a middle or passive voice is difficult. If passive it may have a reflexive sense to it and thus in either case it shows that it is a voluntary and personal choice of the wife.[2] The present tense reveals that the wife is to choose this as an abiding attitude, not simply when such feelings may arise. Such submission is to be the on going pattern of a wife’s relationship to her husband. And of course the imperative mood makes this obligatory. She is to willingly obey this injunction of God.
A broader look at the New Testament reveals that such submission to authority is required not only of wives, but of all. All people are subject to the governing authorities (Rom. 13:1-5; Tit. 3:1). Believers are subject to one another (Eph. 5:21). Children are subject to their parents (Lk. 2:51). Slaves are subject to masters (2:9). The church is subject to Christ (Eph. 5:24). All things are subject to Christ (1 Cor. 15:27-28; Eph. 1:22; Phil. 3:21). Indeed, no one is exempt from submission to authority.
In this case the submission is of the wives “to your husbands.” As with the previous noun, this word can be used more generally, in this case to describe males. Here, however, it is clear that it is “husbands” who are in view.
The imperative of a wife’s submission to her husband is sounded throughout the New Testament (Eph. 5:22-24; Tit. 2:4-5; 1 Pet. 3:1-6). This is troublesome to many in our contemporary culture with its egalitarian impulses. Some have sought to alleviate their concerns by looking to the parallel passage in Ephesians 5 and citing verse 21: “. . . be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” They contend that this verse, coming immediately before the instructions for a wife to submit to her husband (v.22), truly reveals the apostle’s intent. He does not, they say, envision a male-led relationship, but a mutually submissive one. And this is correct, if we allow the rest of Ephesians five to inform what Paul meant by his words in verse 21. In what sense is submission a responsibility of both husband and wife? The text seems to make clear the answer. The husband submits himself to his wife by lovingly, selflessly taking the initiative of putting her needs before his own (Eph. 5:25-32). This is Christ-like leadership. But let us be clear—it is leadership. Robertson quips that while the New Testament pictures the husband as the head of the home, it does so assuming “the husband has a head and a wise one.”[3] The wife subjects herself to her husband by way of submissive respect (Eph. 5:33). This affirms that both husband and wife submit to one another, but it rightly distinguishes the way in which each does so according to the wise order established by God.
Such subjection by the wife is to take place “as is fitting in the Lord.” The comparative particle (“as”) indicates “the manner in which someth[ing] proceeds” and can be rendered “in such a way.” The verb describes what is proper or fitting.[4] It is used only three times in the New Testament, all by Paul (Eph. 5:4; Col. 3:18; Philem. 8). Here the imperfect tense has a present tense meaning to express “necessity, obligation, or duty.”[5] It may express the notion that this is behavior which has been and continues to be “fitting.”[6]
This obligation is not the Apostle’s way of asking believers to simply conform to current cultural customs. Rather he is reiterating what God had established long before. Paul elsewhere makes clear that God has established from creation a hierarchical order which is reflected in marriage (1 Cor. 11:3, 7-9) and that He has maintained this in the new order established by Christ (Eph. 5:23-24).[7] Thus Paul can also say here that this necessity and obligation is pressed upon us “in the Lord.” By “Lord” Paul is referring to the Person of Jesus. This is in keeping with his Christological focus throughout this letter. Paul consistently grounds these relational instructions in our relationship to the person of Christ (vv.18, 20, 22, 23, 24). Our vertical relationship to Christ rules our horizontal relationships within society. Christ, not current, popular culture defines what is “fitting” and proper in our relationships.
